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BowieNet Live Chat Transcription
David Bowie - 31/10/00

Session Start: Tues Aug 31 11:00 pm 2000 EST
*** Now talking in #_
*** Topic is 'BowieNet Halloween Chat with David Bowie'
Session Time: Wed Aug 16 20:00:00 2000

Saint Alphonzo says: As David mentiond in the other room, there's a new video clip up in the news from the new TOY album....a wuuuunderful little crummie...David will be here in five minutes, so you have time to check out the video clip which has just been posted.

David says: Good evening! Wake up, Europe! Anyone here from Europe? Europe France, I mean....

dionysia asks: "um gibber.... I mean YAY!".

David Bowie answers: What are you, an existentialist? You definitely are..

alska asks: "Has recording wrapped up yet on Toys?".

David Bowie answers: Yep, recording is wrapped - we just started the mixing yesterday. I think we'll have the whole thing done by about the 10th. Then as usual, the dinosaur corporate company takes over, and before you know it, in 5 months time the fucker will be on the street. We're hoping for about March.

David Bowie asks: But meanwhile, did anyone see the crummie?

TheGreatEnigma asks: "David, why are your pants worn so High on the crummie? Are you getting old on us??!?!?"

David Bowie answers: What pants?

gauldin asks: "Mark Plati has a nerdy voice!"

David Bowie answers: He wasn't fucking singing! Go home! Lose two points...oh, you mean his talking voice!?? Heh heh heh ;)

gauldin asks: "Who is the most eccentric guitarist you have played with?"

David Bowie answers: Adrienne Belew's mother.

agrathea asks: "Do you like cheeky monkeys?"

David Bowie answers: I'm literally speechless....how cheeky are they?

dionysia asks: "where is everybody?"

David Bowie answers: Are you the same person that keeps asking "is anyone out there?" Is your monitor only capable of showing one name at a time? That's one of those WOODEN monitors, isn't it?

penelope asks: "i am javastentailist"

David Bowie answers: Who's a clever boy? Whooops....sorry penelope!

huff71 asks: "David, would you eat human flesh?"

David Bowie answers: That's a very personal question. Let's keep the bedroom out of this! Aren't you a catholic? This really is Halloween, isnt' it?

shaunhaines asks: "How does a trombone player answer the phone?"

David Bowie answers: Pizza Hut...

gayle asks: "what's your favorite song off of Toy?"

David Bowie answers: At this early stage, all 12. I really, really like all twelve.

alwayscrashing asks: "Pants suck!"

David Bowie answers: There's no real answer to this, I just love American!

pozie asks: ""Afraid" sounds wonderful"

David Bowie answers: Thanks, pozie! I did not write your answer. Please tell everyone. I really do like that song as well. And with the band, it rocks like hell!

ida_q asks: ".12David I saw the crummie it was quite good and I'm not een a fan isn't that nice:)"

David Bowie answers: ...or a typist, apparently. But I'm glad you liked it!

huff71 asks: "My wife loves Adrian Belew. In fact she loves you too."

David Bowie answers: My advice is, hire a detective.

imadj asks: "can you come fix my computer...couldn't see the damned clip!"

David Bowie answers: Absolutely. Just e-mail your address and I'll get a cab over right after the chat. Do you have a screwdriver? I'll bring my own tape.

kale asks: "look behind you."

David Bowie answers: Why, is it Tybolt?

rick asks: "Isn't it past your bedtime old fellow?"

David Bowie answers: Put it away, zip it up, and just stop talking to it in public!

TheGreatEnigma asks: "Does TOY actually stand for anything? I'm trying to figure out the significance of this title, and falling rather short...any incite you'd like to give?"

David Bowie answers: Teachers of Yorkshire!

huff71 asks: "david, are you still scared of Satan?"

David Bowie answers: I have loved satin all my life...my wardrobe is simply full of it!

alwayscrashing asks: "David, do you know the difference between Old World and New World monkeys?"

David Bowie answers: No, what IS the difference between old world and new world monkeys? Now I'm going to have to spend hours looking for your answer.

shaunhaines asks: "David, I need some help here...I just donated sperm to two lesbian friends, and I'm looking for name suggestions for the baby."

David Bowie answers: I think we've just found this week's competition: "OK, kids - let's find that babe a name! The winner will get....a date with...Howard!

saskia asks: "do you like existentialists like sartre?"

David Bowie answers: I do prefer them to be themselves.

gauldin asks: "Has Tonys producing varied or matured over the years...what can we expect?"

David Bowie answers: Although we've been friends off an on forever, over the last few years we haven't actually done any work together, so the beginning of next year's album will be critical for both of us, as I'm sure that we've both learnt a lot over the ensuing years. Maybe have gotten into some bad recording habits as well. What Tony and I always found to be one of our major strengths is the ability to free each other up from getting into a rut. So no doubt there will be some huge challenges, but also some pretty joyous occasions. In short, really looking forward to this.

David Bowie answers: So no doubt there will be some huge challenges, but also some pretty joyous occasions. In short, really looking forward to this.

TheGreatEnigma asks: "How many brand new songs on TOY? Any old songs you dug up that had never been heard before? Even by those dirty bootleggers :-)".

David Bowie answers: I'm not going to tell you. No no no nah nah....oh David, stop being childish....but David, it is called TOY afterall! Uh... some of the songs from the 60s were never recorded, let alone released. So will be as new to you as any of the new ones that I've written. I'll probably make it into a competition knowing me, which is 60s and which is 90s songs. On the other hand, who cares? The album just sounds great!

stardust asks: "are there any songs you really wish you had written?"

David Bowie answers: Yeah - that "Heroes" I thought was really good!

huff71 asks: "What did Little Alex go as for Halloween?"

David Bowie answers: She was the most irresistably cute pumpkin - a cuter two month old pumpkin I have never seen! We sat her in her swing for the first time today - she gurgled - she swung - she's a killer! She held her head up high..although it did wobble a bit!

Starluck asks: "What do you think of Blair Witch 2?"

David Bowie answers: I wasn't actually a huge fan of Blair Witch I.

shaunhaines asks: "Has Michael Jackson ever tried to put the moves on Iman, and would/could you kick his ass if he did?"

David Bowie answers: This is very very funny!

alwayscrashing asks: "Have you ever read London's The Sea Wolf?"

David Bowie answers: You mean Jack, right?

kale asks: "how does hell rock, exactly?"

David Bowie answers: be careful what you wish for...you'll find out!

lilith asks: "Why not a Europe BNet concert next year ? (please...)"

David Bowie answers: I can seriously say we're considering it.

zigaazura asks: "This is a slow night."

David Bowie answers: we're dog tired over here...let's see how my day went: I was up at 5 with the baby, I went to a series of boring office meetings in the morning, then midday I was at the studio mixing, then I had a rather lovely Indian dinner, then I came over for the Yahoo chat, now I'm doing this one....I created an alternative universe, and I sewed a hole in my trousers. And you say I never tell you I love you anymore?!?!

minky asks: "How was the 78 tour?"

David Bowie answers: Are you aware of the state of my memory?

rick asks: "Did you dress up tonight and as who, Iggy?"

David Bowie answers: No, Mary Shelley!

mrperfect asks: "Not a single one of my questions has been answered.

David Bowie answers: That's a tricky one, let me think about it for a while.

shaunhaines asks: "David, got anything I can take for this heartburn?"

David Bowie answers: I've got an old packet of Reeves' Tums - but they've got a bit of lint and cotton on 'em!

shaunhaines asks: "What's the last good movie you saw?"

David Bowie answers: The Jazz Singer I love musicals....

queen_bitch asks: "what is your hair like at the moment?"

David Bowie answers: a small blond bucket or coal skuttle

zeke asks: "I'm listening to the who's pictures of lily, what is your version like?"

David Bowie answers: Rather glam, actually. We slowed it down quite a lot - I'm pleased to say that Pete liked it, so that makes me pretty happy. Did I mention it also features Stylophone? Well it does! And you can't stop me!

A_Girl asks: "David, right now, I am watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show....what did you think of it when you first saw it on stage???"

David Bowie answers: I think I thought of it as a sort of Ziggy with scabs thing. But it was very funny. We all went out with the cast afterwards, and got extremely drunk in a restaurant somewhere on the King's Road. One of those really early 70s places that was full of gangsters and show people. Can't remember the name....

iriegirl asks: "We missed you here in Denver at the old Mammoth (now Fillmore) - maybe we can watch for you again?"

David Bowie answers: I shall be passing through next Tuesday afternoon on my way to Modesto. I will be wearing a green carnation and I shall wave. Please wave back.

ysengrin asks: "Have you ever had to say "Stupid stupid Rat creatures!"

David Bowie answers: What did you eat today?

kittimeow asks: "Have you ever heard Voltaire...not caberet voltaire but the new york goth and if so what do you think of him?"

David Bowie answers: No, but I did sing Volare once in a film called "Absolute Beginners" - I bet I type faster than Voltaire, but I bet he knew more words than me! But I bet I know more English ones.

patsdragon asks: "ok so are you comeing to chat as sailor after this"

David Bowie answers: But of course! I shall be taking the 1-3am shift in the chat room. I shall then grab an hour's sleep and will then rush over to Excite where I shall force them to have a chat with me! Which should take me through when Alexandria wakes up! God, I live for this!! Showbiz Rules!!!

lalalinda asks: "Sailor, any exciting changes coming to Bowienet in the future?"

David Bowie answers: Yes, we are dismantling it next Thursday, and relaunching as GaitherNet.com

PiccaBOOOO asks: ".12Do you have a glass eye? who did you take it from if you do?"

David Bowie answers: I have several, actually....over the years, many fans have sent in their own glass eyes and asked me to sign them and send them back. Mischeviously, I have always held on to them. I now have a full bag. And when she is old enough, we'll offer Alexandria a game of all or nothing marbles. Except I wouldn't know what to do with 30 dolls if I won!

PiccaBOOOO asks: ".4What's up with your wonky eye?"

David Bowie answers: I don't mind this question, but did you have to type it seven times? Do you have a typing problem? Or dare I ask...an EYE problem???

Thursday asks: "it may be slow in here but everyone is completely b\\*tching up the MB... fair warning."

David Bowie answers: as long as we make a difference. That's all we can ask.

imadj asks: "Sailor, I was disconnected for a few moments. Did you answer any of my million questions while I was gone?"

David Bowie answers: Yes, I'm afraid I did. Probably one of the most interesting answers I've ever given. I'm so sorry you missed it.

metzger asks: "Bowie will you ever do any more live theatre?"

David Bowie answers: Tony Ousley and I were thinking of doing dead theatre in as much we'd love to do a production only using his video formats and puppets, but they would be run on remote control and all of the characters would be programmed to be slightly out of synch with each other. It would be a 24/7 production round the clock so you could drop into the theatre anytime night or day, and something would be happening on stage. Because of the lack of synch, nothing would ever happen the same twice.

debk asks: "what did you think of almost famous?"

David Bowie answers: A terrific film. Crowe is just getting better and better as both a writer and a director.

hulagan asks: "Dreadlocks!"

David Bowie answers: Yeah, right! That was for the Yahooists...

eris asks: "Do you wear your sunglasses at night??"

David Bowie answers: Yes, but never in bed.

rick asks: "We in America have no idea what a coal skuttle is."

David Bowie answers: This is yet another reason why England shall always have an empire: because WE HAVE COAL SKUTTLES!

shaunhaines asks: "Can you run a four-minute mile?"

David Bowie answers: Can you dice a carrot in under four minutes?

chriswacey asks: "Has Rolf Harris ever asked to murder one of your songs like he did with Bohemian Rhapsody"

David Bowie answers: Rolf Harris has never forgiven me for becoming really, really famous with the Stylophone. Poor Stylophone thought they were on a winner wit Space Oddity after I featured it on that and brought out a really expensive model which nobody bought - and it sunk the company! Poor old Stylophone...

kittimeow asks: "What do you think of single sex education?"

David Bowie answers: Do you mean teaching one person at a time? This would take ages and ages, and the population may dry up by then.

pepijn asks: "would you like to be best man at the first bnet marriage?"

David Bowie answers: That's all we need - a BowieNet marriage! We'll call it "Who Wants to Marry a BowieNetter?" I think you're on a winner there!

stardust asks: "what's your favorite street in new york, aesthetically.."

David Bowie answers: Pretentious? Moi?

PiccaBOOOO asks: ".4.have you seen the new MarkPlati.com David?!"

David Bowie answers: Yeah, I think Picadilly did a fabulous job on that. Very nice design, clean, easy to look around, lots of great journal entries from Mark.

shaunhaines asks: "Do you want a rematch with the guy who messed up your eye? Did I already ask that?"

David Bowie answers: George Underwood, for that is he, is actually still one of my best friends. In fact if you want to see George's paintings, he has his own section on BowieNet (Special Featurs Archive). I've always believed that since he belted me in the eye, he has improved a lot as a painter. This may just be wishful thinking...It certainly improved my singing.

Seven asks: "have you seen Dancer in the Dark yet David? If so, what did you think of it? If not, will you see it?"

David Bowie answers: The idea of it really didn't appeal to me. I heard the Bjork soundtrack album and I didn't really like that very much. But I loved his break in the waves, so I kind of feel I really ought to check it out because he's got so much going for him as a director, it would be unfair to not give it a chance.

Thursday asks: "where can i get a wonky eye like yours? is bowienet going to offer them in the future?"

David Bowie answers: I may have to delve into my bag and make the glass eye a competition prize in the future. I did have my eye made up as balloons and kicked them out to the audience on the Earthling 97 tour. You may find one of those on Ebay. It may have deflated by now (much like the original).

shaunhaines asks: "What's your favorite pet?"

David Bowie answers: Anything in stilettos...

minky asks: "do you like plantains?"

David Bowie answers: Yes, cooked over an open fire (I'm an island boy at heart)

seedaawg asks: "I told him 3 times lady"

David Bowie answers: I don't know what the fuck this means?!?! But it's very funny!!

susans0 asks: "what are you reading at the moment?"

David Bowie answers: I'm actually re-readin "Silence" by John Cage. A brilliant book of lectures, poems and working methods. With lots of bits of how not to play the piano and still get good reviews.

gates asks: "do you gamble in casinos Dave?"

David Bowie answers: No, I only do cartwheels - and don't call me Dave!

shaunhaines asks: "Do you resent the fact that George Clinton mispronounced your name in his song?"

David Bowie answers: Not at all. And if I ever wrote a song about him, I would mispronounce his name as well. But who wants to write songs about presidents?

gayle asks: "what is Alexandria's chatname?"

David Bowie answers: She's two months, for chrissake!

justinsohl asks: "Do you ever put subliminable messages in your songs?"

David Bowie answers: No, but often use submergeable images - will that do?

bound1 asks: ".4Have you seen pay it forward.??? great flick".

David Bowie answers: No - I must go see this. Spacey can do no wrong.

susans0 asks: "do you wake up in the night with new ideas?"

David Bowie answers: Yes - but Iman prefers to wait until morning!

zigaazura asks: "England has an empire? Since when?"

David Bowie answers: Did I miss something? You mean....?

margot asks: "this is a terrible realisation. there is not a single thing i actually want to ask david bowie."

David Bowie answers: I love you!

margot asks: "plant and paige did wonders for sun-arise"

David Bowie answers: Jimmy plays much better now he has an "i" in his last name. If he changes his name to Jimi, he'd be really, REALLY good, wouldn't he?

GiIIy asks: "what was your favourite disguise for halloween when you were a kid?"

David Bowie answers: We don't actually have Halloween in England. It remains pretty much a Celtic or druid celebration for the few. What we do tend to do, perhaps something similar called Guyfawkes Day - a mercenary and fanatic Catholic who tried to blow up most of the English ruling party. We now make effegies of him and burn him. This is the way of Protestant England. And you wonder why there's a situation in Belfast!

Simone asks: "when was the last time you drove a car?"

David Bowie answers: Last Wednesday on my way back from Boisie. A long trip, but a merry time was had by one and all. We stopped off in Denver, but didn't see anyone we knew. Then carried on to the Big Apple.

gayle asks: "do you vote in the american elections? they are hideous farces"

David Bowie answers: I make it a point to always vote in the American elections. As I'm not an American, this has proved difficult, so I'm content to write up my own forms in the living room, and by means of the serving hatch into the kitchen, I post them through to Iman who reads them and tells me if I'm right or wrong. This is democracy in its complete fruition. Long live Joan of Ark, and anybody else who's good with flames! Guyfawkes Rules! Blimey, they're both catholics! It's not looking good for the Protestants, is it? Oh dear! Anyone hear from the Bible Belt? Blimey, they're both catholics! It's not looking good for the Protestants, is it? Oh dear! Anyone hear from the Bible Belt?

cydney asks: "Is there any kind of music you can't stand to listen to?"

David Bowie answers: The big band drummer, Buddy Rich had to have a heart bypass operation. As he was being wheeled into surgery, his doctor asked him, "Mr. Rich, are you allergic to anything?" To which Buddy replied, "yeah, country \\& western!" On this point, and this point alone, I agree with the late Mr. Rich. Although that bloke Travis has a lovely hat. I can't remember what his last name is. Perhaps I'm confusing him with the English band. I don't know...it's really late...

David Bowie answers: I don't know. It's really late! I wonder if he's a Catholic!

News flash: Eric Idle just wrote to me, and told me he's going to be filming Rattles 2, which is going to be called "All You Need is Lunch" and has asked me if I'll participate and be interviewed about the Rattles' influence about my music. I obviously have said "yes!" This should be an absolute laugh.

dionysia asks: "what the hell is a plantain?"

David Bowie answers: You are not an island girl, are you?

eris asks: "What's your Favorite food??"

David Bowie answers: Guava jelly...

shaunhaines asks: "David, thanks to you, my girlfriend makes me sing "Oh! You Pretty Things" before she'll give me oral sex. Thanks a lot!".

David Bowie says: I just wanted to print this....

rick asks: "Can I call you Bubba?"

David Bowie answers: Call me anything you want, just don't call me late for dinner! What film is that from?

susans0 asks: "do you secretly dress up as ziggy now and again :)"

David Bowie answers: I had to upload this one, too....

coder asks: "Thanks for putting in the overtime David - we appreciate it".

David Bowie answers: Well, we can't let Yahoo! get it all their own way, can we?

ziggi asks: "will you write a song about my friend kale?".

David Bowie answers: I shall get on to it as soon as I finish the Excite.

queenjanine asks: "What's your favourite tv show right now?"

David Bowie answers: West Wing is excellent. I'm quite getting into Curve Your Enthusiasm. And Gardening Today.

ysengrin asks: "What was your scout's nickname"

David Bowie answers: Sorry, I don't actually remember owning a scout. Do you mean my early years in Africa?

chipper asks: "What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything."

David Bowie answers: Well....Erm, shit, I knew that yesterday. It'll come back to me, I'm sure. Um...

huff71 asks: "I'm not a Catholic, by the way."

David Bowie answers: Well you'll be safe enough on the 5th of November, then....

lorimiller asks: "This year's favorite costume around here was the grim reaper. Think that says anything?"

David Bowie answers: Halloween? The Grim Reaper? A decided lack of inventedness, I'd say. If I celebrated Halloween, I think a really scary disguise would be as Albert Grossman. Interestingly, I just read a review by Albert Grossman from 1969 of the Who's Tommy in which he's already declaring that Lennon is all washed up. What an asshole!

ida_q asks: ".12DAVID GO TO BED".

David Bowie answers: Is that you, Iman?

GiIIy asks: "when did you learn to swim?"

David Bowie answers: Approximately 1980 something. A friend taught me just off the coast of Turkey. I've never swum again. I swam once, it was quite enough for me. I prefer a 1967 Jaguar 1.5. Except the leather gets a bit soggy under water....

chipper asks: "Is this the real deal, or is Howard posing as you?"

David Bowie answers: I'm as confused as you are. Let's throw this one over to Howard, if indeed it is he: "Howard...are you me?" No David, I'm not! Well, there you have it! It must be writing this twaddle...

lilith asks: "Go home to Iman :)"

David Bowie answers: You may think that Ultrastar is a huge operation. In fact, I'm typing this in bed and Ultrastar is no more than me, and a 3'7" out of work waiter called Norman who only recently bought a dog eared book on HTML. But I think we're putting up a fine front. Although Norman is shrinking under the stress, and I fear may hit the three foot mark shortly, in which case I'm going to have to prop his seat up with telephone directories for him to keep doing code...

queenjanine asks: "Is there anyone you haven't worked with (either dead or alive) that you wish you could?"

David Bowie answers: I love working with dead people. They're so compliant, they never argue back. And I'm always a better singer than they are. Although they can look very impressive on the packaging.


David Bowie answers: I'm sorry, nobody's allowed to leave the room before I do. You paid for this, now bloody well sit there and put up with it! If you didn't know already, this is one of the perks of being a BowiNetter, and don't you forget it! Said with love....

vivian asks: "I'm dead..want to work with me?"

David Bowie answers: I'm there! Name the day!

gayle asks: "you should do another duet with bing crosby."

David Bowie answers: Ho ho ho...maybe we could do Silent Night....

lilith asks: "Uh, you pick my Q, then don't answer it ???"

David Bowie answers: So sorry Lilith - I will answer this one! Yes.

gates asks: "how about an autobiography david?"

David Bowie answers: Sure, who's do you want? I do a very good Hermione Gingold...

Simone asks: "What is your favorite ice-cream flavour?"

David Bowie answers: Pistaschio

Saint Alphonzo says: Only about three more questions, folks...

David Bowie answers: Quick commercial break: Anyone have a chance to look at the Crummie yet of the song "Afraid?" Any quick response? Be brutal....

bsctrumpet asks: "have you picked up and knitting skills?"

David Bowie answers: Yes, just keep telling her she's really good at it, and that you love Cobalt blue....

lalalinda asks: "David are you tipsy?"

David Bowie answers: Funnily enough...even though I don't drink, I feel completely plastered. It's you lot, I swear, it's you lot! I could have had a quiet life in Calooteville - but no Charlie ....it was you!

zigaazura asks: "David you are one cool MoFo!"

David Bowie (Cool MoFo) answers: Wow! I haven't been a cool MoFo in weeks! Can I put it after my name, please?

susannabeard asks: "Can you find out about Gustav Richter for me at least please."

David Bowie answers: Do you mean Richter the painter? I think it's Gerhardt...

iriegirl asks: "My access is denied."

David Bowie answers: I'm afraid you're right. This is indeed the end of the chat - a little bell just went off which indicates to me that I am much too tired for my own good and should creep back to bed now to give my wife the impression that she is still married. Thank you, everyone - you were great as usual, and I promise we'll be putting up more crummies over the forthcoming months of more songs from Toy. Goodnight!

Saint Alphonzo says: David Bowie has eaten the building - none of us exist any longer....sleep tightly, folks! =8-)

Session Close: Wed Nov 1 00:18:10 2000.

David Bowie Wonderworld: Chat Transcriptions Top BowieWonderworld Chat Room
Created: Nov. 2000 © Paul Kinder Last Updated: 1/11/00