I just watched MTV Cribs for the first time last night. For those of you who don't know what the feck that is, it's a stupid show where MTV cameras go into rich people's homes and snoop about the place. Whoopdeedoo!
Now I don't know about you, but I can't remember a time where I was ever so bored that I sat around wondering what someone like Pamela Anderson's bathroom looked like (of course I've already seen her bedroom and kitchen several times, having been stupid enough to buy the Tommy Lee Pam Anderson home-made porn tape. Believe me boys, it ain't worth it... but I digress...). Since it was either Cribs or History of Rhinoplasty (another great thing about America: we get 264 channels and there STILL isn't a shitting thing on...), MTV Cribs seemed pretty damn thrilling.
So on this particular evening, we (meaning MTV and Your Friendly Neighbourhood Vixen) were invited into Boy George's crib. Probably because he had so much cool stuff in his home and he just wanted to show it all off in an effort to prove that he has acquired some taste since the 80's and that whole "I'll Tumble For Ya" look.
Anyhoo it turns out our Georgie is (and I quote) "obsessed with Bowie." Now while I knew Boy had to be a fan to some degree, the notion that he was OBSESSED with the same person WE are all obsessed with rather freaked me out. I mean here's a guy who was, and maybe still is, still famous. And he's OBSESSED with Bowie?! Sure, it's okay for the little peeps to get all obsessed over famous people, but for a famous person to get obsessed with a more famous person seems just plain wrong! Rather like cannibalism or something: it's okay for fish to do it, but not people! (Alright that analogy sucked, but you get the idea anyway).
And with that first thought, a light bulb went off above my head. And after much drinking... err I mean thinking, I came to the conclusion that there are not only MANY famous people still obsessed with Bowie, but they PROBABLY ALL HAVE BOWIENET ACCOUNTS!
Now of course they're not going to have obvious screen names like RobertSmith@davidbowie.com or NanaMouskouri@davidbowie.com, but you have to imagine that at any given time, there must be at least 2 famous people lurking on Bnet. Probably with free trial accounts, as most stars are totally cheap.
Now most of us know each other fairly well at this point, so I think it's the newbies we need to watch out for. I mean, we KNOW what Spud looks like... We KNOW what Kinder looks like (unfortunately). But do we know what someone with a nick like "wink" looks like? Hell no! And for all we know it could just as well be Lenny Kravitz from Hollywood as it could be Lenny Schmuck-o from the Bronx.
Are we ever going to know which famous people are on Bowienet? Probably not. So just remember to be very careful what you say and to whom you say it when you're in Bowienet. For all you know, you could be talking to Brian Eno. And you can never be sure, one day a star might admit who they really are. And what if you did something horrible before you found out that person was really famous?
I guess the message of this instalment would simply be to trod gently around the people you're not familiar with. You don't want to go through life knowing you called someone like Brian Eno an "turd burglar," now do you?
It just could happen if we're all not careful!
This has been a public service announcement from KelMarSuperVixen on channel KMSV2.
21st April 2001.