Session Start: Wed Nov 3 06:00:00 1999

*** Now talking in #ChatGuest

*** Topic is 'Chat with Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling at 06:00 p.m. Nov 3rd, 1999'

Host HJ says: "Let's get started

Jackie The Joke Man says: hi

Jackie The Joke Man says: before we start... taki-aki wins david bowie tix

Tacky-Aki says: Q: What does a tampon and Princess Diana have in common? A: They both go into dark tunnels and come out covered in blood.

Tacky-Aki says: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

any questions for Jackie?

Jackie The Joke Man says: you win b/c you stumped me and revolted me with the same joke...

LamBugi says: Jackie, Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Jackie The Joke Man says: answer is b/c they're ugly and they stink!

A_Girl says: Jackie, Hi! Are you guys currently looking for some cool women for the show - And if yes, can I be one of them? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?

Jackie The Joke Man says: no im looking for a cool woman for my hotel room tonight

Jackie The Joke Man says: call me at home

Jackie The Joke Man says: 516-922-9463

Jez says: Jackie, why shouldn't we take life seriously?

Jackie The Joke Man says: the answer is we don't

Jackie The Joke Man says: but we take this chat seriously so stop wasting our fucking time

Piccadilly says: What do two lesbians do on their periods?

Jackie The Joke Man says: they finger paint

Jackie The Joke Man says: that joke is on my 2nd CD called "Sgt. Pecker"

Jackie The Joke Man says: 1-800-323-5464 when you call to order my new CD "Come Again"

MyMomIsCrazy says: Is there any truth to the rumor that you write all th3 dirty jokes for Playboy under a penname? if so, why?

Jackie The Joke Man says: no

Jackie The Joke Man says: I wrote jokes for Penthouse under my name

Jackie The Joke Man says: and I write jokes for Perfect 10 under my name

Jackie The Joke Man says: I jerk off to Playboy under a pen name

KelMarSuperVixen says: What's the difference between and oyster shucker with epilepsy and a hooker with diarrhea?

Jackie The Joke Man says: an oyster shucker with epilepsy shucks between fits

Bonster1 says: is this marketing 101?

Jackie The Joke Man says: no

Jackie The Joke Man says: its marketing 10,001

A_Girl says: Is it tough to do a show when you have naked women in the studio?

Jackie The Joke Man says: no, its tough to do a show when there's NOT a naked woman in the studio

Piccadilly says: Q:What kinda toilet paper do Amish people use?!

Jackie The Joke Man says: I don't know

Jackie The Joke Man says: if its funny you win tix

MargotIsMePearl says: why cant blonds waterski?

Jackie The Joke Man says: b/c when their pussies get wet they fall on their backs and spread their legs

Piccadilly says: A: Quilted!

Jackie The Joke Man says: quilted is NOT funny

Jackie The Joke Man says: if you take a cab over here and suck my cock... you get tix

Jackie The Joke Man says: (boy or girl)

It's a horrible rainy day. A lady midget walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, every time it rains, I get this terrible pain in my crotch." He says, "Leap up on the table." In just a moment he says, "Okay, leap down." She says, "Doc, I feel great. What'd you do?" He says, "I cut two inches off the tops of your galoshes."

DisgustedMertle says: Identify the following: Vroom Scree Vroom Scree Vroom Scree Vroom Scree Vroom Scree Vroom Scree

Jackie The Joke Man says: a polish guy trying to drive thru a blinking red light

Jackie The Joke Man says: I have to stop plugging...

Jackie The Joke Man says: so I WONT tell you that's on my first CD "The Joke Man"

Margot says: What's got eight legs and one eye?

Jackie The Joke Man says: I don't know the answer, but im sure my answer is funnier than yours...

Jackie The Joke Man says: Sammy Davis Octopus

LamBugi says: What's the difference between RuPaul and a refrigerator??????

Jackie The Joke Man says: the refrigerator doesn't fart when you yank the meat out

A_Girl says: Q: Why did the dog cross the road

Jackie The Joke Man says: his dick was stuck in the chicken

"Wilma Fingerdoo" says: How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?

Jackie The Joke Man says: if it was invented anywhere else it'd be called a teeth brush

Bonster1 says: how Howard?

Jackie The Joke Man says: what r you a FUCKING INDIAN?!

"Wilma Fingerdoo" says: Shit. Good one. : ) What do you call a blonde standing on her head?

Jackie The Joke Man says: a brunette with bad breath

spaceface says: this is all VERY vulgar!!!, don't you know any clean jokes????

Where do people with one leg go to eat? IHOP.

Margot says: This continues for a number of drinks until the barman asks the old guy, "Why do you keep calling that woman a ballerina?"

Jackie The Joke Man says: the old guy says: "who else could get a leg up that high"

Helen2 says: someone please explain this sense of humor to me!!!!!!!!!! I am lost

Jackie The Joke Man says: you're not lost... you're STUPID

Piccadilly says: Q: My algebra teacher asked me why formulas were so useful. Do you know why they are?

Jackie The Joke Man says: no Piccadilly, why don't you tell us why formulas are so useful

Margot says: I need a ticket - I will fly from Australia to see Dave

A_Girl says: Jackie, if I was to allow you to take my virginity, would you gimme tix?

Jackie The Joke Man says: I will fly down to Australia to go down on you

Jackie The Joke Man says: let me fuck you, THEN I'll decide

Electric_Blue says: No we're British! more advanced sense of humor

Jackie The Joke Man says: who the fuck ever told you people that?

Krahen says: how is the joke biz doing ?

Jackie The Joke Man says: what were you telling jokes when we were taking away yer fucking country?

Jackie The Joke Man says: fantastic. my new cd hit the stores yesterday, and im celebrating by sitting in a small room with 2 strangers who can't type or spell

A_Girl says: Jackie, give ME a call......hehe.....I have some tricks up my sleeve that I use over the phone *wink*

Jackie The Joke Man says: gimmee your number and some time to go fetch some tissues

A_Girl says: What did the male cattapiller say to the female cattapiller?

Jackie The Joke Man says: you wouldn't believe how this asshole in the Bowie Chat spells caterpillar

GiIIy says: do you have booze at least?

Jackie The Joke Man says: no

Jackie The Joke Man says: there NOTHING funny about that!

Socrates says: sorry Jokeland but I don't get a word of what you say goodnight

Jackie The Joke Man says: goodnight and may god bless

scaried_straightfaced says: What, no gay joke allowed HJ?

Jackie The Joke Man says: did you hear about George Michael's new release

Jackie The Joke Man says: its on some guys back

"Wilma Fingerdoo" says: What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog?

Jackie The Joke Man says: when you're driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of ya

Jackie The Joke Man says: that's on my 3rd CD called "Hot Dogs and Doughnuts"

Margot says: Excuse me Jackie, may I please have a ticket?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes you can.

Jackie The Joke Man says: it must suck living in Australia with all those convicts

KelMarSuperVixen says: What is the Jewish version of doggie style?

Jackie The Joke Man says: bent over the checkbook

Piccadilly says: Jackie I stumped ya! The punch to the formula joke is "A: They prevent sore nipples."

Jackie The Joke Man says: that is by far the worst joke I've seen and I've done 100 chats

MyMomIsCrazy says: how do you remember all your jokes?

Jackie The Joke Man says: im sitting here with 10,000 joke books and leafing thru them like a mutherfucker

KelMarSuperVixen says: No he sits up and begs and she rolls over and plays dead

Jackie The Joke Man says: mine is funnier

sQueakieVersion2 says: oh like you've done 100 chats. ha

Jackie The Joke Man says: I've done 100 chats AND yer mother

pixxlin says: I wish I could be funny but I just can be me...may I have a ticket now

Jackie The Joke Man says: just keep being you

Jackie The Joke Man says: of course you have no fucking ticket

SlickMick says: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

Jackie The Joke Man says: one less drunk

Jackie The Joke Man says: where do Irish people go on vacation?

Jackie The Joke Man says: to a different bar

Piccadilly says: Jackie I'll let cha fuck my ventriloquism dummy if ya give me a ticket!

Jackie The Joke Man says: is it a male dummy or a female dummy?

GiIIy says: what's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind, when it smashes against a windshield?

Jackie The Joke Man says: his asshole

SlickMick says: Why is Coors Light like making love in a canoe?

Jackie The Joke Man says: its fucking close to water

Piccadilly says: FEMALE

Jackie The Joke Man says: no

Krahen says: How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?

Jackie The Joke Man says: she opens the car door

Jackie The Joke Man says: why don't blondes eat bananas?

Jackie The Joke Man says: they cant find the zipper

scaried_straightfaced says: 2 gay couples in San Fran plan a trip to Seattle. One couple is male, the other female. Who gets to Seattle first and why?

Jackie The Joke Man says: the lesbians get there first... b/c they did 69 the whole way... and the guys were still home packing their shit

pozie says: Hi Jackie... ok, here is mine... what do u call a lesbian dinosaur....?

Jackie The Joke Man says: lickalottapuss

Jackie The Joke Man says: and a male dinosaur is a megasoreass

KelMarSuperVixen says: did you prefer lenny bruce or red foxx? just curious...

Jackie The Joke Man says: red foxx

Jackie The Joke Man says: jokes are funnier than complaining

"Wilma Fingerdoo" says: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Jackie The Joke Man says: Nancy

scaried_straightfaced says: why is a blonde like a turtle?

Jackie The Joke Man says: once she's on her back, she's fucked

What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater? An armadillo.

Did you hear about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? He could run as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as fast...

Why doesn't Chelsea have any brothers and sisters? Monica swallowed them.

What would you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and a twelve-inch dick? Partially handicapped.

Rednik says: Why are most comedians miserable bastards off stage??

Jackie The Joke Man says: im not

Jackie The Joke Man says: you cocksucker

LittleWonder says: If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave its arse and make it walk backwards

Jackie The Joke Man says: go shit yourself a twin sister

MyMomIsCrazy says: why is there no "David Bowie ate my balls website?"

Jackie The Joke Man says: there is!

Rednik says: Give us a ticket and I'll suck yer cock!

Jackie The Joke Man says: deal

Bonster1 says: we've graduated to scatological humor now

Jackie The Joke Man says: that's right!

Jackie The Joke Man says: where's my fucking diploma?

Jackie The Joke Man says: diarrhea face

Piccadilly says: Can I have tix if I sing Lydia the Tattooed Lady and suck your cock at the same time?

Jackie The Joke Man says: do you think there's anyone in this cht room besides me and you that knows that song?

Jackie The Joke Man says: dig up Groucho marx and have HIM suck your cock!

"Wilma Fingerdo" says: Jackie, ya didn't answer "What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?" right.

Jackie The Joke Man says: nothing.

Jackie The Joke Man says: you already told it twice

spaceface says: well *I* WOULD NOT TOUCH YOUR COCK WITH A BARGEPOLE!

Jackie The Joke Man says: you win tix

Jackie The Joke Man says: I've never heard the expression BARGEPOLE before

LittleWonder says: what's the definition of a woman?

Jackie The Joke Man says: that's something you screw on the bed to get the housework done

Jackie The Joke Man says: why did god make women?

Jackie The Joke Man says: to get the semen from the bedroom to the toilet

Jackie The Joke Man says: hey asshole

Jackie The Joke Man says: now we've graduated to misogynist jokes

"Wilma Fingerdoo" says: What tastes good on pie but not on pussy?

Jackie The Joke Man says: crust

MyMomIsCrazy says: and you're complaining about spelling things badly? bargepole ain't even a word

Jackie The Joke Man says: word or no word, it was funny to me

Jez says: Honor me with a ticket and dressed in drag I will suck your cock and have my girlfriend lick your asshole while her girlfriend massages your balls while her girlfriend strip dances in front of you. This is no joke.

Jackie The Joke Man says: you don't get tickets to David's concert, but you DO get tix and backstage passes to MY concert

Jackie The Joke Man says: now there's a fucking bargepole in my pants

LittleWonder says: What's the definition of a man?

Jackie The Joke Man says: somebody who goofs on you stupid broads

Krahen says: what do you get when you mix a rooster and a telephone pole?

Jackie The Joke Man says: 100-foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone

Krahen says: Why did god invent whiskey?

Jackie The Joke Man says: so ugly broads can get laid too

Jackie The Joke Man says: I was with a fat broad last night

Jackie The Joke Man says: I rolled off her, and I was still on her

Piccadilly says: Gimme tix for having the worst jokes

Jackie The Joke Man says: nononononononononononono

Bonster1 says: What's the difference between a Dog and a FOX...???

Jackie The Joke Man says: 6 beers

A couple's making out in the movies. She says, "Harry, I think I just swallowed your gum." He says, "No, I was just clearing my throat."

An old Italian woman is riding in an elevator when a young girl gets in smelling like expensive perfume. She says to the old woman, "Giorgio, Beverly Hills, one hundred dollars an ounce." The old Italian bends over and farts, and says, "Broccoli, forty-nine cents a pound."

A tall, handsome Polish kid is helping a middle-aged divorcee to her car with her groceries. As they get to the parking lot, she smiles at him and says, "I've got an itchy pussy." He says, "Well, you better point it out, lady. All them Japanese cars look the same to me."

Jez says: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN TAKING TOO MANY STEROIDS????

Jackie The Joke Man says: the hair between her tits is all the way down to her balls

A_Girl says: Jackie......I will ask one more time....you don't realize how much......I really want this

Jackie The Joke Man says: describe giving me a blowjob in a phone booth

LittleWonder says: Two old women sit on a part bench. One says to the other "have you farted?" The other says "of course, do you think I always smell like this"

Jackie The Joke Man says: you win

Jackie The Joke Man says: that's funny

Jackie The Joke Man says: look for it on my next CD.

Jackie The Joke Man says: a guy gets on an elevator with a big fat broad... he says, can I smell your snatch?

Jackie The Joke Man says: she says no

Jackie The Joke Man says: he says: then it must be your feet

Krahen says: Why does a hooker make more money in one night than a drug dealer

Jackie The Joke Man says: she sells the same crack 15 times

Krahen says: What happens when you put Monica Lewinsky in the back of a car with a native American?

Jackie The Joke Man says: you get a blown engine

LittleWonder says: How do you stop 8 black men raping a white woman?

Jackie The Joke Man says: throw them a basketball

Jackie The Joke Man says: why did god invent white chocolate?

Jackie The Joke Man says: so little black kids can get messy too

scaried_straightfaced says: what is a blonde's mating call? what is an ugly blonde's mating call? this is an old joke, easy to answer.

Jackie The Joke Man says: buy me a drink

Jackie The Joke Man says: I'm not answering the ones that everybody knows

A_Girl says: So, Jackie......I'm serious, call me.....we'll see what we can work out! *wink*

Jackie The Joke Man says: what r you stupid? I can't see you wink over the computer!

GiIIy says: so this man goes into a bar with a duck on his head. says the bartender: how did that happen?

Jackie The Joke Man says: the duck says it started out as wart on my ass

Piccadilly says: What has Paul McCartney been doing since Linda died?

Jackie The Joke Man says: I don't know

We have one more ticket to give away

Piccadilly says: Beating his meat

Jackie The Joke Man says: that is SO FUCKING unfunny

Jackie The Joke Man says: you should burn your dummy

Jackie The Joke Man says: what do vegetarian worms eat?

ouch

Jackie The Joke Man says: Linda McCartney

carl|busy says: Here's a good one... Why is Piccadilly so unfunny?

Jackie The Joke Man says: the best answer wins tickets

sQueakieVersion2 says: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his butt.

Jackie The Joke Man says: whats the difference between Ted Kennedy and Jeffery Dahmer?

Jackie The Joke Man says: Kennedy eats his women before he kills them

Krahen says: How many Irish does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Jackie The Joke Man says: 10

Jackie The Joke Man says: one to hold the light bulb and 9 to drink until the room starts to spin around

QueerByChoice says: What's the difference between Jackie the Jokeman and David Bowie?

Jackie The Joke Man says: about 30 million dollars

"Wilma Fingerdoo" says: What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Jackie The Joke Man says: depends

Jackie The Joke Man says: what do you call a hair between an old lady's tits?

Jackie The Joke Man says: her pussy

Jackie The Joke Man says: a guy is sitting at the dinner table, and he says, "mom im gay"

Jackie The Joke Man says: she says does that mean you suck men's cocks?

Jackie The Joke Man says: he says yes

Jackie The Joke Man says: she says: "don't ever complain about my cooking"

lol

Jackie The Joke Man says: what do people in West Virginia do with broken down cars?

Jackie The Joke Man says: they build a house next to them

Jackie The Joke Man says: whatr the 2 most important holes in a woman's body?

Jackie The Joke Man says: her nostrils

Jackie The Joke Man says: so she can breathe between squirts

antoineponcelet says: Jackie, I saw you at Rascals a couple of years ago in West Orange, New Jersey, my home town

Jackie The Joke Man says: I know im asking for it, but did you enjoy the show?

MyMomIsCrazy says: I don't even want a ticket. I just want to make my girlfriend jealous cuz she cheated on me last time I was at a bowie show

Jackie The Joke Man says: loser

Jackie The Joke Man says: hahahahahaha

Piccadilly says: I'm so "unfucking" funny because I'm trying to use reverse psychology to win a ticket

Jackie The Joke Man says: so am i

Jackie The Joke Man says: you don't get one

antoineponcelet says: Jackie, my cousin was an intern for you show with Howard a few years ago. She says to say "hello." Tara Bernie is her name

Jackie The Joke Man says: she was the cheerleader... she was cute... tell her I said hello, and did she ever learn to cover her teeth?

Krahen says: How can you tell a mechanics had sex?

Jackie The Joke Man says: one of his fingers is clean

Simone says: Jackie... I am German, and have a hard time thinking of jokes in English, and it's 2 am in the morning..could I please have a ticket...? Poor little me has to start work in 3 hours..and I am so tired ;)))

Jackie The Joke Man says: you should've been nicer to the Jews

Piccadilly says: What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?

Jackie The Joke Man says: they live off dead Beatles

Jackie The Joke Man says: how do you keep Puerto Ricans from entering the house?

Jackie The Joke Man says: put a "now hiring" sign in the window

Bonster1 says: are you going to answer questions or is this strictly "Jokes on Parade?"

Jackie The Joke Man says: I would love to answer some questions! I haven't been asked any!

Jackie The Joke Man says: so here are some answers

Jackie The Joke Man says: 6 inches.

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes.

Jackie The Joke Man says: probably....

carl|busy says: here's a QUESTON (Bonster style)... Do you have a girlfriend? whatever

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes. I fucker when my wife's not looking

LamBugi says: Jackie, do you kiss your mother with your mouth?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes, but not on the mouth

antoineponcelet says: Jackie, when are you touring again?

Jackie The Joke Man says: ill be at rascals at west orange, NJ, December 9th

Jackie The Joke Man says: Westbury music fair November 24th

Jackie The Joke Man says: and Andover, MA November 12th and 13th

A_Girl says: Jackie; will you be my date to Senior Prom?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes

Jackie The Joke Man says: my senior prom was full of losers... in 1966

Jackie The Joke Man says: I was the only one who even got a handjob...

Jackie The Joke Man says: and I was lying

"Wilma Fingerdoo" says: Why do American Indians wear jockstraps?

Jackie The Joke Man says: totem pole

Jez says: Your cute cartoon dude, can we see him having sex with your cartoon girlfriend?

Jackie The Joke Man says: that is actually on the drawing board

QueerByChoice says: Jackie, what does your wife see in you?

Jackie The Joke Man says: now I am fucking stumped

Jackie The Joke Man says: I would give you tickets... but you're a faggot

antoineponcelet says: 3 tampons are walking down the street. Which one of them says hello first?

Jackie The Joke Man says: nothing

Jackie The Joke Man says: none of them... they're all stuck up

Jackie The Joke Man says: and now somebody's gonna say, you got that joke wrong, the answer is... they were all stuckup cunts

Jackie The Joke Man says: but I didnt want to write that word b/c I promised lia I wouldn't

chazm says: I never thought you were at all funny on the radio.

Jackie The Joke Man says: thank you so much

Krahen says: what do you call a hooker that's foaming at the mouth?

Jackie The Joke Man says: full

GiIIy says: why did the young man, who celebrated his first blowjob with 10 shots of whiskey, refuse to get another one on the house?

Jackie The Joke Man says: if 10 didn't kill the taste, another wouldn't make a difference

spaceface says: you can say all those other totally revolting things and ot cunt...i am speechless

Jackie The Joke Man says: you don't have to talk, asshole, you just have to type

SlickMick says: Jackie, I'm buyin' your new CD tomorrow!!

Jackie The Joke Man says: you mean "Come Again?" which features my song "Fools Gold" thats at Sam Goody's, the Warehouse, Strawberries, Camelot, Tower, and Coconuts

Krahen says: why do men like masturbation?

Jackie The Joke Man says: its sex with someone they love

QueerByChoice says: Jackie what makes you think I'm not a dyke?

Jackie The Joke Man says: I don't care

Piccadilly says: Q: How was the limbo invented

Jackie The Joke Man says: a jew using a pay toilet

Jackie The Joke Man says: chubby checker told me that joke in 1963

TheArtiste says: Who's the hottest girl you've ever seen?

Jackie The Joke Man says: queer by choice

TheArtiste says: Who's the hottest girl you've ever seen

Sussex says: I'm a shitty typer, can I have a ticket?

Jackie The Joke Man says: nes

sQueakieVersion2 says: How do you get a woman off during sex?

Jackie The Joke Man says: push her

Jackie The Joke Man says: ask me some questions

pixxlin says: I would love a ticket you smell like cheese ticket please

Jackie The Joke Man says: you have personality but no ticket

Derek says: Jackie, do you socialize with anyone from the show?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes

Jackie The Joke Man says: everyone from the show

Jackie The Joke Man says: we get nude every Saturday night

Bonster1 says: OK, how do you like getting up so early and how do you stay funny at that hour?

Jackie The Joke Man says: getting up so early sucks cock

Jackie The Joke Man says: its easy to be funny in a room with 3 or 4 other people with nothing on their minds except breaking my fucking balls

LittleWonder says: were you into jokes from a really early age?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes, there's some great stories about how I got into jokes on jokeland.com

SlickMick says: Where's your favorite place to perform live?

Jackie The Joke Man says: the comedy palace where im going to be Nov 12th and 13th

Jackie The Joke Man says: its where I recorded my CD "Hot Dogs and Doughnuts"

Jackie The Joke Man says: the crowds are fucking incredible

Quicksand says: do you prefer a bong or a j?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes

KelMarSuperVixen says: Does your mom laugh at your jokes?

Jackie The Joke Man says: not anymore... thanks for bringing me down

MyMomIsCrazy says: the crowds are incredible meaning you get laid after the shows?

Jackie The Joke Man says: bingo

spaceface says: do you smoke afterwards?

Jackie The Joke Man says: bingo

TheArtiste says: Do you prefer a crack pipe or a heroin needle?

Jackie The Joke Man says: bingo

SlickMick says: Where did you record Come Again?

Jackie The Joke Man says: rascals... in west orange,nj

GiIIy says: do you invent your own jokes?

Jackie The Joke Man says: some yes, some no... the rest I get from Piccadilly

KelMarSuperVixen says: who's your favourite stooge?

Jackie The Joke Man says: Piccadilly

GiIIy says: do you play bingo?

Jackie The Joke Man says: no, I go down on yer mom while SHE plays bingo

leeza says: are you having fun?

Jackie The Joke Man says: believe it or not... I fucking LOVE this

TheArtiste says: Are you ever serious?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes I am

Piccadilly says: Can you name the Marx bros real names?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yes

Jez says: Jackie, for one ticket, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE JOKE OF ALL TIME?

Jackie The Joke Man says: a big fat lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm... the bartender says, hey where'd you get the pig?

Jackie The Joke Man says: she says its not a pig, its a duck

Jackie The Joke Man says: he says: I was talking to the duck

scaried_straightfaced says: How is a clitoris like JonBenet's killer?

Jackie The Joke Man says: I dont know nobody seems to be able to find either one

Jackie The Joke Man says: did you hear that JonBenets father is under suspician?

Jackie The Joke Man says: they think he disturbed the crime scene... when he jerked off on her body

GiIIy says: THAT is your favourite joke?

Jackie The Joke Man says: that, and the size of your cock

scaried_straightfaced says: Why'd the Polish helicopter crash?

Jackie The Joke Man says: it was chilly so he turned off the fan

antoineponcelet says: Jackie, why did you let Howard use that picture of your ass in his first book?

Jackie The Joke Man says: because it was cute!

Jez says: Jackie, you answered my question. May I humbly request my ticket? If you could hear my laughter and see my tears from your jokes...You'd give me that ticket. And you will be rewarded, because I will become your fan and promote your shows in the BIG APPLE for free.

Jackie The Joke Man says: that was a VERY good request... but they would cut my balls off for giving you a ticket for sucking my balls

Sussex says: Jackie, I'm making milk come out of my eyes right now!

Jackie The Joke Man says: whatr you sucking 6 cocks at once?

Jackie The Joke Man says: leaving in 10 minutes folks...

Jackie The Joke Man says: I have a joint rolled

Jackie The Joke Man says: im going to go eat a lobster

Jackie The Joke Man says: and then jerk off all over myself

IrmaVep says: hey, I guess I'm just too rude, I thought we were all having a good time in here calling people faggots

Jackie The Joke Man says: faggot

Jez says: JACKIE, I WILL BE YOUR COOK WHEN YOU ARE STONED. As a chef, and for one measely ticket, you will be in FOOD HEAVEN. Not to mention my girlfriend, Cyndi Crawford's sister, will lick your balls with delight!!!

Jackie The Joke Man says: you persistent prick

Jackie The Joke Man says: you get the fucking ticket

Piccadilly says: How do they take the census in Israel?

Jackie The Joke Man says: who cares?

A_Girl says: Awwwwwwwwwwwww DAMN IT JACKIE!

Jackie The Joke Man says: I thought you left!

Jez says: I'm hyperventilating!

Jackie The Joke Man says: you should be.

Jackie The Joke Man says: the girl from Australia is gonna rip my balls off

Piccadilly says: JACKIE WHY CANT I GO?!

Jackie The Joke Man says: you have to stay home and work on your act

Jez says: I will come through for you, Jackie. I will contact you with the menus.

Jackie The Joke Man says: not necessarily

Jackie The Joke Man says: I really enjoyed this... whatever it was... with you people

antoineponcelet says: Jackie, one more?

Jackie The Joke Man says: sorry

Jackie The Joke Man says: come to rascals

Jackie The Joke Man says: and ill give you a pink surprise

sQueakieVersion2 says: have fun jerking off. byebye

Jackie The Joke Man says: as that sincere?!

Piccadilly says: The act's worked on can I go now?

Jackie The Joke Man says: yeah, you can go fuck yourself

Bonster1 says: is it over??

Jackie The Joke Man says: Rambo says "its NEVER over"

Piccadilly says: Jackie why are you so mean?

Jackie The Joke Man says: Piccadilly, I really enjoyed breaking your balls... email me your street address, and ill send you a pile of jokeland stuff

Jackie The Joke Man says: my email is jokeland@aol.com

Jackie The Joke Man says: anybody else, feel free to drop me a line

Jackie The Joke Man says: please pick up my new CD "Come Again?" and keep listening to the Howard Stern show

Jackie The Joke Man says: we really appreciate all of you

Jackie The Joke Man says: and that's the ABSOLUTE truth

Jackie The Joke Man says: free filthy jokes at this # 516-922-9463

Jackie The Joke Man says: its down right now b/c the electricity is being redone in the old house

Jackie The Joke Man says: but its free and its fun... 24 hrs a day

LamBugi says: Feelin bad there Jackie......is there a heart in there somewhere?

Jackie The Joke Man says: my heart is bigger than my cock

sQueakieVersion2 says: ok then. have fun jerking off with the lobster.

Jackie The Joke Man says: ON the lobster

MyMomIsCrazy says: phones don't run on electricity

Jackie The Joke Man says: its run by computer... why would I lie to you assholes?!

Bonster1 says: This is one chat I wont be reprinting ;)

Jackie The Joke Man says: why the fuck not?

A_Girl says: this is one chat I will bawl over for a while.

Jackie The Joke Man says: sweetie pie, email me your address, and I'll send some stuff to you... in convict land

Jackie The Joke Man says: THANK YOU EVERYBODY!

Jackie The Joke Man says: hope you had a few chuckles...

Jackie The Joke Man says: by the way, thanks to my two typers, to Lia, to Ron, and David Bowie, and Jesus Christ, if he's listening

Jeanne says: Actually, you sucked!

Jackie The Joke Man says: thank you, I wanted to leave on a high note

Jackie The Joke Man says: byeee "Jackie The Joke Man" is away: Gone fishing.