101 Reasons Why You're Not David Bowie and He Is

David uses his spare time
For dreaming up new styles
He never spends Whit Monday
In the bathroom, grouting tiles

David's early efforts
Often dwelt on alienation
He never noted Diesels
Or hung out on Reading station

David shaved both eyebrows
And the net effect was arty
He never had just one done
While unconscious at a party

David in his sixth decade
Still has a head of hair on
And not some strands resembling
A barcode printed thereon

David orders goodies
From an oriental teashop
He doesn't trawl for bargains
In the pound and 50p shop

David dabbled earlier on
With Genet, Brecht and Fassbinder
He didn't lie on sofas
Drinking "spesh" and watching Minder

David put on make-up
And a dress, in search of glamour
And unlike you, he wasn't chased
By skinheads with a hammer

David says "Good evening.
Here's a song of mine from Low"
And never: "Orright, Dog's Head?
This is one by Status Quo..."

Another thing with David
Is he keeps himself in trim
But the single biggest difference
Is: your wife still fancies him.

Martin Newell.

This Little Ziggy

The long awaited memoirs by MARTIN NEWELL entitled This Little Ziggy have been published by House Of Stratus. ISBN 0-7551-0267-3.

This wonderful 260 page A5 book contains the extraordinary memoirs of a celebrated poet and 'failed' rock star which tells how one boy grew up in the Sixties, survived a British Army upbringing, school, the Far East, South London and real trouble, only to go through the hell of being beaten, dabbling in drugs, overdosing, getting arrested, being busted, pop obsession and much, much more. Joining Plod, a seventies glam-rock band, became the steadying influence in a life spinning hopelessly out of control. Told with hugely generous dollops of smut, pathos and irrepressible humour, Martin Newell's entertaining adventures make for a fast-moving page-turner for anyone who has ever dreamed of being in a band.

'This Little Ziggy', a new autobiographical book charting Martin's formative years and his introduction to the band scene. "It's the best book I have ever read. And I have a library card" - John Cooper Clarke.

About the Author: Martin Newell was born in 1953 to an army family and he grew up in Hertfordshire, Hampshire, London, Cyprus, Dundee, Chester, Singapore, Malaya and Essex. In 1973 he joined the Colchester glam-rock band, Plod. Subsequent bands were Gypp, The Stray Trolleys and Cleaners From Venus. In between jobs included stints as a kitchen porter and gardener. Martin's latest album is The Spirit Cage (Cherry Red Records). In 1990 Martin began working as a performance poet and took up a poet's residency in Middlesborough. He has had seven books published: five collections of verse and two long poems, Black Shuck and Wildman of Wivenhoe. Martin is resident pop poet for The Independent, and as a result he is the most regularly published poet in the UK. He lives in north-east Essex.

Check out Martin's official website