What a complete twat


Round and round the rumours fly,
how he ran away from Mum

Lately, I've been - breaking glass in your room aga... no hang on that's wrong. I'll start over again.

Lately, there have been some wild stories going around about BowieWonderworld. I think it's time to dispel some of these rumours...

Like many content-oriented sites, BowieWonderworld is running out of cash, and will discontinue publishing by the end of this month.

FACT: BowieWonderworld has a daring new plan that will ensure a steady stream of revenue for years and years to come.

(True, this plan involves a slight shift in focus away from David Bowie and towards pay-per-view celebrity porn, online gambling and home delivery of Viagra, but I am optimistic that you, the readers will grow with it ;)

BowieWonderworld has sold all of its assets to a major entertainment industry giant for the sum total of £5.50, a Sheesh Kebab and a family packet of Walker's Cheese & Onion crisps, who will be using the formerly independent website to promote soul less, disposable chart pop acts like Gareth Gates, Will Young and Robbie.

FACT: BowieWonderworld remains independent, and the interests of advertisers, sponsors etc, do not affect our editorial policies. By the way - it was a Donner Kebab.

Note to major and new independent labels: Individual editors remain open to personal bribes. Contact me via email for more information and my bank deposit details ;)


Rednik is too overworked/lazy/disorganised to publish a new column on schedule every month.

FACT: I've got your new column right here, matey...

Well then, after my last column, which unfortunately my mother DID stumble across, DID happen to read, and DID happen to kick my arse for "making her look like a fool" and "that's the last bleedin' present you're getting off me". She did actually end up though by saying "Yes okay it WAS kind of funny" - I think I better steer clear, for the time being, informing you about my immediate family. Except for this one...

The other night, the missus put in a DB DVD that someone had put together for me recently. Part way through viewing she makes a comment about David...

"I love those shades that he's wearing."

Me: (totally immersed in a book) "Yeah they really suit him don't they."

Dawn: "I wonder what make they are?"

Me: (looking at the tv screen) "Guess."

Dawn: "Oh I don't know... erm probably some really posh, expensive make."

Me: "Guess."

Dawn: "Er... I've no idea... erm... Prada?... Jean Paul Gautier?, Alexander McQueen...?"

Me: "Guess."

Dawn: (sighing) "Gucci?... Raybans?"

Me: "Guess."

Dawn: "For f**k's sake... Christian D'Or?"

Me: "No Guess."

Dawn: "Oh I give in."

Me: "No dear they're called Guess."

Dawn: "Oh f**k off! Stop taking the piss."

Me: "What?"

Dawn: "You're having a laugh."

Me: "No seriously they're called Guess."

Dawn: "Well that's just bloody well stupid isn't it?"

Well, tarrah for now!

15th February 2003.

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